My experience occurred during urgent surgery at the age of 19. I very well remember everything that happened. I know that at that given moment, I was having my operation, obviously anesthetized, I found myself looking down at myself from above, from the ceiling of the operating theatre. I could see myself in my hospital bed, with the doctors and nurses working on me, my face looked very pale in the light in the operating room. After some seconds, and very rapidly, I was in another place totally unrecognizable. It was a place in the countryside, somewhere I had never been, where the light was very bright. I was stopped on a white road, and on looking either way I could see an infinity of white tulips, I couldn’t see the end of this beautiful garden, it was beautiful! The tulips swayed gently to the rhythm of a warm breeze and the intense perfume of the flowers was very rich. In front, the road continued up to a hill, and the light shone more brightly here. My clothes were white, extremely white.
At my side they took my hand, me an adult, her a child. My cousin was with me, all dressed in white, as well. 20 years ago, she died, an angel, at the age of 4, she was my friend in those days of eternal infancy. Her smile was so beautiful. She never said to me in words, but I knew what she was saying, she wanted me to come with her to the top of the hill. We began walking, looking at each other for a moment, happy. Peace, tranquility and joy, I felt, I never wanted to return and live: it’s indescribable with words. I was immensely happy, and nothing bothered me, I had to get to this hilltop in my cousin’s hand. But this wasn’t going to happen, I woke up suddenly in the operating room feeling a sense of suffocation, it was maddening.
At the foot of the bed was my cousin always smiling. Desperate for air, it was intense and I couldn’t move, I suppose that with the effects of the anesthesia there was nothing I could do. Until someone, I believe, a nurse, put on an oxygen mask, and I could feel fresh air entering my lungs. I went to sleep, and on waking, although in the room, she was no longer there. The anguish of knowing that I had gone to this marvelous place, so full of peace, and that she wasn’t here, was maddening. I began to cry and shout her name. None of them knew her name and believed it was an effect of the anesthesia. But my mother, realized whose name I had cried out, and tried to calm me down, everyone cried but no-one knew that my cries were because I wanted to go back to this wonderful place, so full of peace. Often this feeling made me feel guilty, because nothing else was important, nothing except going back. I will never forget any detail of this experience, which has changed my life forever. It is very nice to find a place where you are able to share the experience with people who understand through the experiences they have had.