Juana

I was to give birth to my first child. After a whole day being monitored and medicated to dilate with no results, a caesarean intervention was decided. I was put under general anesthesia.

Suddenly, I was in a place FULL OF LIGHT, and I realized that all I had experienced on earth was to get there. Finally I was where I belonged, I was home. It was a feeling of complete happiness and well being. I was realizing that all made sense.

The most striking feature of the place was the light. It cannot be described if you have not had the experience. Everything was light, there were no shadows. Everything was happiness and love. Everything made sense and was understandable. Finally I had made it; all my live had been lived to get to that place. I felt no anxiety. There was no Time. There was only knowing, being, loving and felicity. I realized that we were out of Time. That as such, Time had ended and it was a relief. It was a totally different dimension.

In that place there were other people. Like everything else, they were light and all loved me. Specially and closest to me, there was one person who looked at me and smiled. In a sense I knew he/she was MY person and was there for me. I think he/she was wearing a tunic.

I wonder on how should I describe the light? I cannot say that it was white, for it would make it sound dark. It is like asking what is the color of brilliance?

And then, I fell into the surgery room. They were lightly slapping me in the face. I was so sorry and sad. I couldn´t understand why they had brought me back to such a dark place, although all the lights of the room were on me. I think that what made the darkness were the shadows, besides being the light itself so very dark in my opinion. Where I came from there were no shadows because everything was made of light. I came back from REALITY, from the place where I belonged. I came back from my home to this dark, sad, and full-of-pain place.

Since I was back the doctors didn´t explain much of what had happened. They just told me that my windpipe had contracted around the breathing tube. They told me that I had been ‘some time’ without oxygen and that it had taken them quite a while to bring me back. That night and the day after are some of the most difficult times in my life. My throat was absolutely raw and practically every breath I took was extremely painful.