I liked running at the YMCA in downtown and did so every chance I could. It was a Saturday morning and I had been running for about 15 minutes. Suddenly, I was aware that I was standing over a man who was lying on the ground. Attendants began working on him performing CPR and trying to get him to respond. As I stood there for a moment or two, I became aware of an old friend who was standing next to me. This person was someone I had known for what seemed like a very long time, as in lives before this one. Nonetheless, it was at this moment that I realized that it was my body on which they were working.
Suddenly, the light got very bright. It was not uncomfortable but the light bathed everything with such intensity that it shown through me. Within a moment, I was in another place with my old friend and he was showing me my life as I had lived it. The review was not unpleasant but during the review I could see how my decisions impacted others. I could gauge and feel the impact of my decisions, and how these actions affected other’s lives. There were no feelings of guilt or remorse, only the knowledge that I could have done things differently in some of the situations. There was no blame, no remorse, and no feelings of guilt. The ‘life review’ covered my entire earthly life in no more than a few minutes. I could see people, whom I recognized as relatives, on the other side of a river of light. I could feel their love; an intense Love is all that I could feel.
I knew that there was no way that I could fail as long as I could remember this intense feeling of love. My guide and I discussed my staying here or returning to earth. I had a 2 year old son and a wife who needed me. The idea of my son growing up without a father bothered me, so that I felt the ‘pull’ to return to my body, although I really wanted to stay. I had a choice. I knew that things would turn out O.K. either way, but I decided to return to the body. By this time I was aware of the body being in an ambulance and I was above the vehicle in space, yet I could see inside the ambulance and I could hear the thoughts and voices of the emergency personnel. I no longer recognized the body as being me. Yet, at the same time, I knew that it was my body, and I didn’t like the idea of getting back into it.
In the emergency room I was watching the emergency room personnel working on me. I was up in a corner of the emergency room and could hear everything that they were saying and thinking. I was aware that my wife was on her way to the hospital. I was suddenly pulled back into the body. Animation of the heavy, heavy body was very difficult and was the equivalent of wearing six, wet overcoats. It was very had to move and there was much pain in my chest because of the CPR and defibrillation. The skin on my chest had literally been cooked by the device.
After I physically recovered from the heart problem, I had much difficulty accepting this reality. Once I knew that this earthly construct is only an illusion, it took me a good while to accept it again. The human form is not reality, yet it’s an incredible vehicle that allows us to learn and participate. Buying into people’s earthly drama was difficult and, at times, hard to be present. My life drastically changed after the event and I found myself wanting to devote as much time to helping others as was possible. I found myself attending church two or three days a week and I worked at being the best father and husband as was possible. Mind you, I still have many shortcomings and have problems with ego, yet I know that this isn’t all there is.