On a Saturday night, I was suffering from a fever of 106F. I was prodded repeatedly in the lower abdominal area and simultaneously asked what drugs I have taken. An intern took my breath away each time he prodded me. At last, they gave my mom a prescription for some pills and said to have me seen by my physician on Monday. My mom did just that. I was watched over by a friend until Monday came. My mom somehow got me down two flights of stairs and into the car. I was seated on the exam table for a moment, but was hurriedly asked if I had a way to the hospital. My doctor was going to drive me there herself, but my mom took me. As soon as I passed through the doors, I lost consciousness. I was taken directly to the operating room where three doctors did the exploratory surgery and found me to be in a severe condition. They said my female organs were turned around backwards and infected. Ultimately, my condition led to the removal of some intestines, my appendices, a tube and its ovary, and half of my remaining ovary.

I must have been upgraded from recovery because my experience happened in my private room where guests were allowed to visit. This is where my life changed. This is where I found it difficult to remark on what happened. I had no reference to compare this to or felt as if I would be taken seriously. I remember thinking what great pain I was in and how I wanted it to stop because I couldn’t take it anymore.

Then the pain stopped. I felt whole and free of the weight of all my senses. I sat up on the side of the bed and then was on my feet. I walked about three steps toward the wall, turned around, and looked at the bed I left. The bed was not empty. I was in it and as still and white as the sheets that covered me. I then looked behind the bed and saw some monitoring machines. I wasn’t scared. I remembered at that time that I was not in pain and was not hungry. I did not need to rely on breathing. I felt light and happy. I looked down and noticed that I was not touching the floor. At that moment, I knew this was my chance to be free of the body that was in pain. I thought of my mom and family, but somehow knew she would be okay. I turned and walked toward the door. I opened it slowly and noticed it was like a dark closet. I seem to relate the darkness was a result of not being religious, but I was not concerned. Then I recalled my boyfriend’s father was just trampled by a horse and wasn’t expected to recover. I opened the door further and started to walk in, when I heard, in my head, a familiar voice saying to me, ‘Stop! Go back you’re not ready.’ I have heard this voice many times prior to this event, which I won’t talk about now. After this moderately deep masculine voice spoke, I said in my head, ‘I can’t leave Jan now, he couldn’t take losing us both.’ At that moment, I gasped for air and forced my glassy eyes open. Jan was at the end of the bed. I attempted to speak with him, so I could tell what just happened to me. He said,’s-h-h-h, I know, don’t speak right now’.