It was the early morning of March 1, 2014, following my divorce/mediation. The sun had not yet come up. I awoke in a very awkward position in my bed. As my eyes opened, I tried to regain focus of my surroundings. My brain functions were so confused and foggy. I did not know where I was or what had happened. BUT- I knew! I knew something was different!
I was not just ‘waking up’ from a night’s sleep. I live with a rare congenital arrhythmia. I have an implanted cardiac defibrillator. This device was surgically placed over my heart in January of 2013 as a result of my daughter’s sudden cardiac arrest. I passed the gene on to her so she shares the same lethal condition. Her event happened two years prior to mine. Looking back in hindsight, her cardiac arrest saved and protects us now with modern technology so that we can live full lives.
My feelings that morning were very sacred. I felt pure bliss and peace. I will not ever forget or let go of what I experienced that morning as it has given birth to a strengthened intuitive connection in me. My experience transcended all time and space and is now the source of my objective truth about our reality here in this life on Earth. It’s something that will never leave me.
I remember lying there relishing the feelings that lingered within me that morning. Up until recently, it has been difficult for me to talk about my experience with death that morning. It’s not every day the subject is easily talked about or accepted. I know now, my near death experience is a gift which gives me that simple but powerful unity truth and understanding. It has ignited the deepest of all self-love and compassion for humanity because of it. It’s hard to speak of what exactly happened that morning because WORDS do not come close to what I experienced there. It was, however, extraordinary and transformational.
I didn’t see the face of God in my moment of death. Nor was I confronted with a blinding white light. I saw an encompassing blackness with the most electrifying colors of light throughout it. The blackness hugged me and whirled around my body for what seemed to have a sense of time. I talked with the Divine. I DID become a part of that Divine Higher Consciousness Energy. The conversation was a knowledge untranslatable by words and it filled me with the most intense Joy. It connected me to the most incredible energies of serene, complete unconditional Love. This Love I am learning to access now through nature and dedication to deepening my relationship with MYSELF.
Modern technology blows my mind how it has developed and now protects me every day from these events. After that particular experience in March 2014, the data from my device was given to me in a report from the physician. The report confirmed that while sleeping my heart went into V-Tach and I experienced a sudden cardiac arrest for over two minutes. My device automatically delivered a shock of 65 joules of electricity within 46 seconds of it stopping. My heart did not respond to the first shock and I received a second shock of 75 joules of electricity after the first shock. My heart still did not respond. At the two-minute mark I was administered a third shock of 90 joules of electricity and this brought my heart back into normal rhythm again.
Since my NDE:
I have been healing and recovering from that event. I felt so euphoric that day. I remember thinking, how horribly bad I wanted to go back there. I even have unquenchable thirsts and cravings even now to be close to the Higher, Loving Consciousness as I was that day. I have recognized how my recovery and healing is an ongoing process.
I struggle with feeling as if I don’t it in everywhere I go now. I struggle relating to my own birth family and find that I value my alone time as a necessity to feel replenished and whole. In the last five years, my life has taken a big transformational shift. I have overcome a lot of dysfunction, recovering and healing from the trauma of mental abuse, betrayal, codependency, and addictive patterns and behaviors.
I believe everything happens for a reason and all within a Divine Timing. Today, I tap into my Will to create what feels good to me, dedicate to caring for MYSELF in the highest ways so that I can be here in this Life, and live out my Purpose fully. I harness that Divine Energy everywhere I can find it. I find the Divine Energy in nature, in people I meet, in my closest relationships, in small moments of stillness and all the places I can connect to feelings of Love and Joy. I am determined to integrate the wisdoms, which have heightened my awareness and deepened my Love I experienced that day. I fulfill my passions through my profession. I teach people how to create order. I am seeing how my career path keeps evolving as I become more confident and claim my True Essence. I am working towards creating an empathy and compassion driven business, in the hope that its form will teach people Self Love and to help people FEEL. EXPRESS. And CONNECT more fully to their intuitive wisdoms so that they too can live within their own hearts and thrive in this Life too!