Jacob

I had been on a 6 month binge of drinking and drugging. I had hyperthyroidism at the time but was being treated for depression. I could metabolize large amounts of just about anything with no serious side effects. I held two jobs and was a high functioning addict. I had not slept in a couple days and was drinking heavily. I could get drunk 3 to 4 times a day and sober up in 2 hours. I felt nauseated that night and went to bed. My heart was beating very irregularly and then I felt like it exploded.

I observed my body as if I was floating above it. I then found myself at the edge of what seemed like a black amphitheater looking out across the universe. There was a vortex of white fire spiraling through space. It was a beautiful sight and looked very much like the electricity coming from a nuclear power generator. There were voices calling me to join this energy. Some voices were familiar, but most were not. I looked at the energy and said firmly, ‘NO! I want my own.’ No sooner had I thought it, a very slim pillar of white fire appeared a distance from the large one. I said with satisfaction, ‘That is mine.’ I heard, or thought, a voice that said, ‘It is not your time; you may remain if you wish though.’ I thought through my life and wanted to stay, but then I thought about my daughter who was 8 at the time. She needed me.

The next thing I could see was my girlfriend beating the hell out of me and swearing at me for dying in her bed. I wanted to smack her because what she was doing had to hurt, even though I couldn’t feel it. I tried to lift my arms to protect myself but found I couldn’t do it. I tilted my head onto my chest and saw my body covered in purple and black splotches all the way down to my legs. My partner said that I had stopped breathing for 15 minutes. It took me 3 or 4 hours before I could walk and several weeks for the bruising to go away. I saw my doctor the next day. He told me he didn’t want to hear it anymore; that I should not be alive. I tried to forget the experience and get on with being an idiot, but I could not drink or do drugs after that moment. After some serious soul-searching I have led an examined life since that day.

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