Aridai

At the time of my experience, I was a workaholic. On top of my regular 40 hours a week of work, I was developing a forensic project along with the government to find missing (dead) people in my country. This took another 20 to 30 hours of my week. I also practiced martial arts and lifted weights when I wasn’t occupied with my friends. I was so busy that I was unaware of my health issues.

The final straw was a fight with a person from the government who was helping me to develop the forensic project. I spiraled emotionally and went to therapy. I realized that I was living a life that was not sustainable. Nothing made sense to me anymore; so, on October 18, 2021, I abandoned the project, left my job, stopped exercising, and ended a relationship. I went to sleep at 12:00am.

I remember arriving in an empty place. There was literally nothing; no space, no time, no sky, no floor. Suddenly, I became aware that there was someone standing on my left side and we started walking through a gallery. There were an infinite number of squares with a path in the middle. Each square had scenes from my life that was playing simultaneously. Each square had depth and colors of red, orange and yellow.

The entity with me started explaining what was happening. I felt completely in peace with myself. I felt that no matter what that everything was okay and nothing could hurt me. Then, we started entering those squares from the gallery, one by one. I remember one the scene from one square from the time when I was a child.

We went inside this square and suddenly I gained complete awareness of the situation. My grandma was beating me. I was on the floor, but also I was somehow inside everything, like I was in another dimension. I had a 360-degree perspective. Then I noticed that the Being next to me had no shape; but it was made of light. I could see the golden threads of reality. I could feel everything. I felt the beating and the pain I endured. I felt the rage of my grandma. This made me quite sad, although everything was fine and somehow nothing could affect me. I never thought that someone could feel that way towards me. At the same time, the Being was explaining to me what was happening.

After the scene ended, we went outside and repeated the same activity in each of the squares until we reached the end. Then I saw a big square in front of me. I saw a couple and the back of a man. I was ready to enter the square alone. Suddenly, I was in another place.

I don’t know how I arrive there or why it happened since I was ready to enter what, I guess, was my next life.

Yet, I was standing in front of Vishnu. He was seated on grass in the lotus pose and wearing only a brown loincloth. Behind him there were clouds; the sky was pink and gold in color. At that moment I experienced a feeling that I cannot describe because I have never experienced it here on earth. I felt absolute peace; there was no pain, no suffering, and everything was fine. He explained to me that I was in a place that was above good and bad. Those things I saw are human but do not ‘exist’. He showed me ‘pain’ which seemed like a separate dimension, which is dark and heavy. He also told me that he doesn’t need sacrifices, nor any kind of ritual, and that we are free. We are free to do whatever we want, whatever that is, because ultimately it doesn’t matter. He was holding a wooden spoon on his right hand and a white flower on his left hand. He had no navel. He didn’t use words to communicate, and somehow it was all knowledge that I was receiving. Vishnu’s eyes were bigger than those from a human and his body was thin, long, and deep blue. His skin seemed thick and dry. When I started trying to make sense of everything, his face changed. At first the face resembled that of my therapist; then it looked like my face, then it looked like other people. The face wasn’t changing shape, but I could see how others resemble him. So, I asked him who he is. He told me while giving me a peaceful smile, that he is all of us. He then asked me if I wanted to comeback. I understood that somehow we come to earth to experience everything there is to experience, such as pain, suffering, Happiness, and pleasure. Because those things don’t exist there, these things we experience on earth are not real.

As he smiled at me, I opened my eyes and I realized that I wasn’t breathing. I stared at the ceiling while I could feel air slowly entering my lungs while the feeling of peacefulness vanished. I grabbed my phone and it was 1:00am.

I remained silent about that experience because I didn’t know what had happened or if I was hallucinating. Then, I started getting sick. The doctors found a cancerous tumor in my ovary. I went through surgery to remove it. During surgery, I was dead for a few seconds and went to a peaceful place with grass. I was playing with a child, but was awakened by the anesthesiologist shouting my name and repeatedly slapping my face.

That’s how I realized that I may have been dead in October 2021. I started researching and found in Hindu mythology the places I remember seeing in my experience. My psychologist says that maybe it was something I already knew and that’s why I imagined it. I don’t think so because I grew up in an extremely catholic family. Logic tells me that I should have seen Jesus in my hallucination or something Christian instead of Vishnu.

Anyway, the doctors found a benign mass growing in my uterus. I am healthy. I went back to the project and finished it. Now, I want to focus more on enjoying life; the good and the bad. Sometimes I think that not all people have those experiences because they’d do ugly things if they knew what I know. I live my life more responsibly since my experience. I take accountability for my actions and I avoid hurting others. I also defend myself more. This experience changed me and when I discovered that other people have had them, I felt validated; I don’t fear death anymore.

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