When I was younger, my parents were both working full-time jobs. My father was stationed at Fort Bliss and my mother worked various defense or education-related jobs. Thus, I was placed into a summer youth program. I was one of the younger, if not the youngest child, in the program. One summer day, they took us to a public pool. Most of the kids, being older and more experienced with swimming, were at the deeper end of the pool leaving me alone. I remember wanting to join them and went under the floating barrier to swim towards them. I remember not being able to feel the bottom of the pool with my feet and slipping under the water. I felt fear. I remember reaching towards the light of the sun, shining through the water and then suddenly being above the water.

I could see myself under the water and I remember feeling no attachment to the body. I floated higher and higher above the scene and could see a great part of the city below me. I still had a human form while floating up, it was like a ‘ghost body’. I remember looking up into the sky and then being somewhere else. This place was like being in space except with no stars. Wherever this somewhere was, I had no human form. I was like a small ball of yellow light. Though in darkness, I knew I could see in all directions at once. Around me appeared other orbs of light. The orbs were other people who had passed away. We all glowed with different shades of light. Some were more pink, some were blue and I was yellow. I remember that all of our thoughts flowed into and out of each other simultaneously. Despite this, I could still process my own thoughts. I knew that the lady near me was in her 30s, that she had died in a car accident leaving behind children but she was at peace with the fact that her husband would care for them.

I remember a great light appearing before us, like the sun but smoother and cleaner in its light. It did not hurt to look at and regardless we did not have physical eyes. There was the greatest feeling emanating from it. It was the greatest form of love I have ever felt. Greatly beyond that of any parent, lover or child. It was like every expression of love combined. I remember being drawn towards it, moving faster and faster but on the other side and moving at the speed we were. There was no real wind, just the softest of breezes. I remember knowing where I was at the time but we do not have a word for it here in the life side. I remembering feeling at home, like I had returned and I was happy. There was a sound like music, but not music like what we have here on Earth. It was like the sound between the ringing of chimes.

Some force moved through my soul and stopped me from proceeding forward. There were no words, but this kind of knowing that came into me. It said I needed to turn around. I remember saying that I did not want to turn around and that I was tired of having to go back so many times and ready to stay here. It said that I had not accomplished what I needed to do. Before I knew it, I was tumbling through darkness and was suddenly back over the city and drifting back towards my body. I was out of the water. I remember several of the other kids out of the water; some crying and the female lifeguard was working on getting me back. I remember having my ghost body back and the feeling of hands pushing me on my back, back down into my body. The re-connection was painful. I remembering feeling confined in my body.

For years after this I was depressed and wanted to go back to that place. My childhood was not the smoothest as far as my family life was concerned and I knew if I took my own life I could go back there.

The biggest thing I learned from the experience is that ‘God’ experiences itself through its creation. That is, we are all expressions of ‘God’ simultaneously. I have felt in life a deep and instant connection with certain people, especially one of my friends who I also love deeply and who is currently missing. We both have talked about perhaps having met in a past life and joked about how we would meet in future lives. Though I hope my friend is found, I am confident that either way, our paths shall cross again.