always felt like I didn’t belong in this world. So one day, I took matters into my own hands. A few days before my attempt, I went to two separate stores so there would be no alarms or flags in the computer system. I bought two packages of pills. I ‘chickened out’ and took one pill to go asleep. A few days later, I took the remaining pills in a span about 5 minutes. Then I turned on my ‘Pure Moods’ CD and laid down to die. My breathing got progressively slower, until it stopped. Twice, my body kicked my heart back on. However, the third time, it did not.
There was no light or pearly gates. I think this was probably because I was in some sort of purgatory. Even so, the peace I felt was like nothing I have ever experienced before or since. There, I got into a conversation with a male-voiced ‘Entity.’ In my opinion, it was God or an Angel. The Entity told me that it was not my time but that I could ‘go’ if I wanted to. I immediately told the Entity that I wanted to go. The Entity then mentioned how this would irreparably hurt my Mother. I quickly changed my mind and said that I would stay.
Right after that, I woke up and started breathing again. I never had to go to the hospital and was even back at the gym a couple days later.
A couple of notes:
1) I remember hearing some music in the background. I think it was coming from my CD player because my brain still had some ‘juice’ left in it. As soon as I chose to live and woke up, a new song started. Every time I play the song that was playing when I was conversing with the Entity, I have this amazing feeling of peace and tranquility.
2) I believe the Entity WANTED me to choose to live, but for the right reasons and not because I couldn’t make it to Heaven if I killed myself.